Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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