is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
