thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
