the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
