ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
