he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
