yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
