im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
