I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
