I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
