I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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