I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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