tell your sister to shave her snatch
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
