What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
