I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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