I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
