Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
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Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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