and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
