Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
