I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so let's talk penis.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
