woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
