Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
