i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
