Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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