i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just found a bag of teeth...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
