just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
sex in a hospital.. check
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
