you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
