Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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