I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
