Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
