why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
