Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
