so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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