I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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