I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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