My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
