Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
