I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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