she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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