she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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