he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We are two peas in an std pod
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
