alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
