She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
