I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
