No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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