why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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