what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
