dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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