It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
