Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
