That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
