I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
