sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
