Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
