I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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