what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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