Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize