do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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