Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
