you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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