You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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