she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize