I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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