Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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