No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
