your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
