You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
