They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
