the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
