I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
