I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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