I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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