True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
