he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
