I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
