and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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