Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
