first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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