.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
