I hope mine doesn't look like that
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so let's talk penis.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
