I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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