fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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