well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
