We're facebook friends in real life
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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