We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
