What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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