If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ugly people sure do ruin things
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Your cock deserves a montage
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
