I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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