He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
